It’s been a few months, since I last made an appearance on your screens – a recent diagnosis of a chronic illness (yet more on that, for sure, in future blogs as these can crop up during the highs & lows of perimenopause with the hormonal balance piece in play – full disclosure in next blog – to coin Miranda’s recent book title “I haven’t been entirely honest with you”).

Which understandably threw me off kilter and has taken time & ‘rest’ to manage this condition with lifestyle changes and a work in progress mental ‘narrative’ re-set.

As I ‘join the dots’ (as I often speak about in my therapy work), I was also experiencing emotional burnout and compassion fatigue, to be totally frank with you. How often do listen to your body (and heart come to that) over your head? When do the whispers in your body, become screams?

In midlife, with busy professional careers, personal lives, children, elderly parents, poorly parents, challenges with relationships – there is a lot of ‘living loss’ going on in our lives potentially – grief in a nutshell and this can have quite an effect on our ability to be compassionate and can drain our energy (both physically & mentally).

I love the therapy work I do, yet in midlife when our oestrogen levels are fluctuating & waning our ‘window of tolerance’ becomes smaller and we don’t have the same level of empathy, understanding and compassion for ourselves and those around us. In fact, this can be quite an empowering time for us, as we are able to put boundaries in place to look after ourselves, first & foremost so we are in the best position to support those around us. I found myself in the Summer on that compassion fatigue trail -running at pace without affording myself self-kindness first & foremost. Feeling fatigued & burnout is illustrative of where our immunity is at in midlife and suggests ‘inflammation’ in our bodies (aka inflammaging). We often go into battle with our health niggles – sometimes that is generational stoicism, yet we know “What we resist, persists” so although it is counter intuitive – rest is the best medicine – listening to your body!

Burnout is real (no you’re not imagining it) and doesn’t pay dividends to ignore it, either (as I well know).  There are numerous factors for feeling burnout: working long hours, unclear job expectations, dysfunctional workplace dynamics, too much responsibility, lack of social support, lack of influence over decisions that affect your job, feeling out of alignment with your values, extremes of activity, where a job is highly repetitive or overly demanding and work-life balance, too. If you are an HR professional reading this, I totally get this, having spent 23 years in HR Corporate life too!

Emotionally we can experience variable feelings – not withstanding hormonal fluctuation on top too.

• Anger or irritability: Short-temperedness, frustrated with co-workers, friends, or family, often over small things
• Anxiety: Feeling tense and worried about daily life.
• Cynicism: Negative, sceptical attitudes toward work & people around you
• Depersonalization: disconnecting from yourself and others.
• Depression: Feeling lack of self-work, sad and hopelessness
• Listlessness: Lacking energy and interest in daily life
• Apathy: A sense that nothing matters & situations will not improve
• Loss of enjoyment: in activities & hobbies.
• Lack of control: feeling like you don’t have an influence over your life.

To read more about burnout in midlife, get yourself a copy from Amazon of “The aargh to Zen of Perimenopause” in which, I have written a chapter on Burnout (yep me in a book). Chapter 4 to be precise!

So on to the cue Rest bit – how do you rest? (A Mars a day, helps you work, REST and play) Yep, I hear you, what’s that? I haven’t got time for this! I was there, still there, looking at this).

This can mean different things for us. This article is a great read talking out the different types of rest: https://ideas.ted.com/the-7-types-of-rest-that-every-person-needs/

Yes REST, it’s not all about sleep, naps, 40 winks, a bit of shut eye.

There are many different types of rest:

1.Physical rest – passive or active

Incorporate regular exercise into your life. Exercise can improve your physical health &n have a positive impact on mood & energy levels, minimising stress and burnout. Even moderate activities, such as walking, yoga, or stretching, can significantly improve your wellbeing. Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week. Complete. Fitness and Wellbeing can help

2.Mental rest – short breaks

We can often delay our relaxation & recovery time for the weekend, but this isn’t always an effective way to prevent burnout.

Research shows that making time for smaller breaks throughout the day – pockets of self-care (as I like to call them)—even just 10 minutes or less—is important in helping us to look after our daily stress.

An idea: Set an alarm to remind you to take ‘pockets of self-care’ throughout the day, where you briefly disconnect from work stressors & check in with yourself. Move, meditate, make a coffee, or have a quick chat with a colleague and/or friend.

3.Sensory rest – unplugging from electronics & switching off from social media (detox)

Switching off from work can lead to better performance, engagement & productivity during work hours. Since recovery is all about bringing our mind & body back ‘into balance’. Step away from the stressors to take a break (however short).

What would help you to detach from your work, at the end of the day? What activities, routines & boundaries allow you to be ‘present’ for the rest of the day? Set an ‘away’ message, turn your phone off, or have a scheduled activity in the evening to help you switch off.  Detox.

4.Creative rest – enjoying the arts.

I’ve got creative of late – connecting with little/teen Nic. so I’ve got myself a new adult colouring book, a cross-stitch kit and am asking my niece to help me re-learn how to crochet – hopefully a crocheted reindeer on the Christmas tree this year! Be playful, connect to doing something you enjoyed as a kid!

5.Spiritual rest – feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and purpose.

I’m finding the music on Insight Timer app restful of late, to listen to.

 Fundamentally, schedule your rest, explore new hobbies, and take all the breaks you need.

6. Social rest – Lean into your support network – Connect

When we feel emotionally or physically exhausted from burnout, it can be tempting to isolate ourselves from others, but reaching out to get support from co-workers, friends, family, or a therapist can be more productive. Connect, Connect, Connect.

7.Emotional rest – expressing feelings (this is where I can help as a therapist).

Allows you to express your feelings and cut back on people pleasing. Talking about what you’re going through can provide relief and a new perspective. You can talk to me: Menopause therapeutic coaching

EMBERS®, a Menopause-Informed Psychological Care framework aims to educate, validate, and empower women to implement strategies to regain control over their life, body, and mind during the menopausal transition and beyond. It’s a comprehensive therapeutic approach integrating an understanding of the physiological, emotional & psychological changes us ladies, experience during menopause, while also considering the broader context of your lives. This approach not only addresses symptoms but also considers factors such as physical & mental health status, relationships, work, & life stressors.

Get in touch for a free 20-minute intro chat, to see if you’d like to work with me & I’ll send you the Embers quiz too.