Are you noticing even more so like a fraud in your 40’s or 50’s?

It’s about our shift in our identity (or one might even say identities – yourself at home, at work, with friends, and/or family). Those feelings of loss of who we once were and an uncertainty & quite possibly vulnerability about who we are becoming. But that’s all good, right? Exciting times too?

Imposter syndrome – aka ‘phoneyism’ is pretty common & affects 70% of us at some point in our lives. Yet, I it can surface in our midlife with some acceleration leading to feelings of loneliness, isolation, self-doubt, lack of confidence & self-esteem and we begin to struggle to recognise ourselves both at work & at home. Sounds familiar?

We can start to feel the feelings of loneliness & isolation & have thoughts in our head such as “I don’t feel like I fit in here, anymore”.

Things that you did in your sleep, on autopilot feel so much harder to do with us experiencing stress, anxiety, overwhelm & a huge crisis of confidence. This can show up at home – our ability to juggle home life – family, children, elderly/sick parents, dynamics in our relationship as well as at work too, with the sinking feeling of “Can I do this?” anything from delivering a presentation to leading a meeting.

Cue the catastrophising critical voice (or chimp on your shoulder or ‘inner caveman’ – who remembers Captain Caveman?) internally shouts:

What if.. !?

• I miss school pick up.
• I have a hot flush in a meeting,
• I get tongue tied delivering a presentation and can’t find the words.
• I miss the train to go and visit my elderly mother in a care home.
• I don’t feel like the other Mums at the school gate.Brain fog. Memory loss. Identity crisis. Fraud. Isolation. Loneliness. Loss. Grief.

How can we tame our ‘inner ‘Captain’ caveman?

• Firstly, notice & acknowledge the negative chit chat in your head. Befriend it. Shift your language & tone of voice you are using with yourself. Turn your ‘cant’s’ into ‘cans’. Bring on the affirmations:  I can do this’ ‘I am valued’ ‘I am enough’. ‘I do belong here’ ‘you are worthy’ & ‘you are loved’.
• If we are at the work, and we are looking around the office & the comparison kicks in – cue inner caveman (“Jane seems like she’s got it together – she’s a similar age and could be going through this perimenopausal lark. Why am I feeling like a fraud?”) Stop fighting your feelings – don’t allow them to bully you. You are not in a wrestling match with them. Focus on your breathing to allow yourself to experience them, listen to them. Emotions are messengers. Lean into the – befriend them – have a conversation with them (n your head I man). What are they telling you? Play detective – they are your clues for what’s going on for you.

• Stop the comparatnitis – Comparison is the thief of joy says Roosevelt). It’s far healthier & kinder to yourself to compare yourself to what you had achieved there months back, 6 months back, a year ago. You get the gist. If you are not feeling good about yourself – journal your strengths. Reflect on what you have achieved in your personal, family life & career, your successes & how you are valued for what you do – where you are now – speaks volumes. I’m guessing your journalling of your strengths will be a far cry from what your inner caveman is telling you!

• Power poses: Yes, here’s a great Ted talk link to Amy Cuddy – talking about power poses: https://youtu.be/phcDQ0H_LnY. Think Beyonce or Wonder Woman. Shifting your body language can help build your confidence & keep your doubting Thomas’s at bay and the Imposter ‘wolf’ from the door. This all plays too into the power of visualisation and how you see yourself in self-doubting situations. Showing up as confident will absolutely help.

• Have a good support network. I’m thinking team besties at work or play (as in friends). Feeling you belong promotes confidence so surround yourself with healthy supporters (not the toxic type – who make you feel ten times worse). You are not alone in feeling this way.
• And then there’s therapy – through therapeutic coaching we can look at self-limiting beliefs, that leave us feeling like the Imposter and address the underlining stress, anxiety, overwhelm that come along with holding on to them, looking at techniques & strategies to manage our behavioural responses, feelings & emotions.

We will work together utilising my toolkit of counselling, coaching and hypnotherapy to create a bespoke package of help, healing and support to take you to the next level of your life comfortably, calmly and with joy.

I will support you with a ‘toolkit’ of strategies to manage your menopause symptoms & cope with difficult feelings, emotions & anxieties, helping you to better navigate this time of psychological & physical change. And provide time & space too, to consider who you’d liked to be post your menopause.

We’ll be using our EMBERS® model which is based on principles from CBT, neuroscience, positive psychology, and lifestyle medicine. EMBERS® is designed to help you get back in the driving seat and start feeling your best. With EMBERS®, you’ll discover how to harness the power of your mind, body, and spirit to support your health and wellbeing. You’ll learn practical techniques for managing your mood, reducing anxiety, and improving your sleep. And you’ll discover the joy of living a life full of love, optimism, and growth.

I can also support you, in looking at how past traumas can raise their heads during perimenopause & menopause, leading to thoughts, feelings & emotions that may leave you feeling like you are going crazy.

Rediscover yourself & ‘thrive’ in midlife. Embracing this ‘different’ chapter in your life.

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