It’s all about ‘self-loving’ this August.
7 steps to self-love & self-compassion.
It’s a struggle, isn’t it? Your inner critic is loud & proud, and you find yourself overwhelmed with self-criticism. Practising self-love seems impossible, yet it is work persevering with.
What is self-love and why is it important?
You are not being self-centred or selfish in affording yourself self-love. Imagine forming a caring relationship with yourself as you would with a ‘good friend’. You know the ones I mean.
The relationship we have with ourselves, sets the tone for how we manage our lives, our relationships with others, the way we handle challenges and how we celebrate the ‘joy’ in our lives.
When we are kind & understanding towards ourselves, we are better equipped to navigate our lives.
So, where to start?
Look at your current feelings toward your emotional wellbeing & motivation. Does your inner bully get going when things don’t go as planned? Do you overlook your wins? The little ‘check ins’ are important.
What are the 7 steps to loving yourself?
Loving yourself isn’t an overnight thing. It’s not something you have to win at. It takes practice, making things achievable & manageable. Practise these ‘7 steps’ – all the ‘S’s’.
- Self-awareness: Understand your feelings, thoughts & behaviours.
- Self-expression: Be true to who you are.
- Self-care: Take care of both your body & mind.
- Self-trust: Believe in your ability to handle what life throws at you.
- Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when times are challenging.
- Self-respect: Honour your worth by setting healthy boundaries.
- Self-acceptance: Embrace who you are, including those perceived imperfections of yours. ????
7 ways to practice self-love, self-compassion, and self-care.
So, what can we do?
- Build your self-awareness
Building self-awareness helps cultivate self-love by giving insight into what makes you who you are on an emotional level. Start by tuning into your thoughts & feelings. What makes you feel happy, sad, or excited? Then, what makes you feel overwhelmed, anxious and overjoyed. Know yourself first, this is the first step to loving yourself.
Practising self-awareness:
Practise mindfulness: to stay present & understand your thoughts & feelings better.
Education all the way: Empower yourself through education by reading/listening to books, attending workshops, or get involved in discussions that promote self-awareness, self-compassion & self-love.
Plan regular self-check-ins: Reflect on your feelings, goals & progress. Journal them & revisit often.
Meditate: Declutter your mind & tap into your desires.
Let go of what no longer serves you: Let go of old habits, self-limiting beliefs or relationships that no longer contribute to your growth or feeling happy.
- What does self-expression look like to you?
Give yourself permission to express your thoughts & feelings both inwardly & outwardly. Express yourself honestly. Speak & express your truth.
Get involved in creative expression: Drawing, painting, writing – allow your creativity to flow freely can become an act of self-love.
Discover new hobbies: Explore new activities that bring you joy & allow self-expression. What have you always wanted to do? Try it!
Journal: Daily, capture your thoughts, feelings & experiences. This can be both therapeutic & cathartic & helpful in falling back in love with who you are.
Spend quality time with yourself: Enjoy your own company. Embrace time alone – go out to the cinema or to dinner. It can be great fun! (says the woman who frequently goes to the cinema on her own).
- Practice self-care
Simple acts like exercise, mindful eating & making time to relax can make a big difference in your overall wellbeing.
Make time for self-care: Dedicate time each day for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes at the start of your day or before bed to breathe & ground yourself. I call these ‘pockets’ of self-care. What are your daily self-care non-negotiables?
Take breaks: Remember to rest – mini breaks. Take them outside. Being in nature can naturally calm & refresh your mind & body.
Practice relaxation: Deep breathing & yoga can help relax your body & focus on your breath.
Nourish your body: Fuel your body with nourishing food. ‘Food is your mood’.
Prioritise sleep: Ensure you get enough sleep—it’s crucial for your wellbeing. Sleep is our medicine in midlife. Get those couple of hours in, before midnight.
Movement: This doesn’t have to be exercise in a gym. It could be dancing in your lounge, walking outside, stretching from the comfort of your bed or doing some squats whilst waiting for the kettle to boil!
Routine to support your wellbeing: Create routines that promote your physical &, emotional wellbeing – a walk in the park a few times a week, morning journaling, or reducing caffeine.
- Embrace self-trust
It’s hard to love yourself, if you don’t trust yourself. Embracing self-trust is about understanding that you have the ability to make the correct decisions for your life. Even when things don’t go as planned, believing that you can learn & grow from the experience is an important step in building self-trust.
Develop a growth mindset: View challenges as opportunities for growth. There’s no harm in trying & getting something wrong. Learn from it & give things another go!
Set realistic expectations: Set achievable goals to build your sense of accomplishment & reinforce the belief you have in yourself to overcome.
Be patient: Be patient with yourself as you discover what self-love means to you. Trusting yourself takes time.
Monitor your negative chit chat: How do you speak to yourself? Is that bully of yours ‘out of its box’? Notice how you speak to yourself & make it more positive & encouraging. Similarly to how we might lose trust in someone who speaks negatively, we can lose that same trust in ourselves.
Make a list of things you’re proud of: Reflect on your achievements & things that make you proud. Look back on them when you need a dose of inspiration & remind yourself & believe that you can make yourself proud again & again.
- Cultivate self-compassion
Be kind to yourself. Always. Celebrate your wins, learn from life’s mishaps, and don’t be too hard on yourself when it all doesn’t go as planned. Having compassion for self means you deeply care about your wellbeing. And feelings of deep care often mean love.
Practice positive affirmations: Build & repeat positive phrases daily to help drive away those pesky negative thoughts.
Develop a self-forgiveness practice: Be forgiving for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings. You’re a human being not human doing.
Give a loving-kindness meditation a go: To cultivate love & kindness toward yourself and others.
Put your hand over your heart & breathe deeply: This simple gesture can bring comfort and a sense of self-compassion.
- Strengthen your self-respect
Respect yourself by setting boundaries to show yourself—and others— that you matter! When we respect our boundaries & our wants, we’re showing ourselves love by prioritising our needs.
Seek supportive communities: Surround yourself with supportive, loving & understanding people who uplift you. The more you’re around people you respect & admire, the more you will begin to respect, admire & love yourself.
Set boundaries: Give yourself permission to say no to things or people that drain your energy. Setting boundaries & sticking to them is an act of self-love. I love the phrase “I’m not available to do that, right now’.
Volunteer: To give yourself a sense of purpose and be part of a community. Volunteer to walk dogs at a local animal shelter or serve meals at a community kitchen or care home. ‘Giving back’ brings a deep sense of purpose & gratitude, and a way to give yourself love is to give love to others in need.
Celebrate progress & success: Celebrate your wins, big or small. Be your own ‘cheerleader’.
Honour your commitments to yourself: Honouring your promises can help to build self-respect, which, as we’ve learned, enhances self-love by showing yourself that you’re a priority.
Cultivate self-worth: Grow your self-esteem by acknowledging your worth & capabilities. Worthiness is defined as something that is important & deserves recognition. Having self-worth drives positive action and belief in yourself that builds self-love.
- Embrace self-acceptance
Embrace yourself wholeheartedly. We have nothing to gain by giving ourselves a hard time! And, everything to gain by being loving & accepting of yourself as you move along in midlife. Think of self-acceptance as a hug ????
Acknowledge & embrace your emotions. Accept all parts of yourself, even what you don’t find to be perfect. What is perfection, anyway?
Learn to laugh with yourself: Keep it light & bright ☀️
Embrace where you are now: Appreciate the present moment. So, be here & enjoy the journey.
Make space for your emotions: Allow yourself to feel your emotions. ‘Lean into them’. Emotions are messengers for us.
Drop the ‘comparisonitis’: Avoid comparing yourself to others. You’re unique and have your own journey. The healthier response is to compare yourself to yourself – 3 months ago, 6 months ago, a year, 18 months…you get the gist.
Practice gratitude: Acknowledging the qualities you appreciate about yourself & your life. This can shift your focus from what’s lacking – from a place of scarcity to a place of abundance.
If you’d like to work with me as your menopause therapeutic coach, please reach out to chat further: nic@clarity-kent.co.uk.
