Is it your working environment making you anxious and stressed?

I feel like I have been building up to this one & am seeing more clients in my private practice & my therapy work at Self Space (theselfspace.com)– where us ladies are really berating ourselves around the piece that we no longer have the energy levels we did 10 plus years ago, to tread the corporate cobbles. We are no longer that 35-year-old (where I was stuck for 15 years!!), we need to be kind & compassionate to ourselves & with that allow ourselves to change, adapt, evolve a new & different ‘normal’ (whatever feels good for you).

So, working in midlife – is your working environment affecting your emotional wellbeing?

Chicken & egg? Is it your working environment making you anxious and stressed or is it feeling more anxiety & stress during perimenopause with those pesky hormones, dancing with you or is there an interplay of both. A combo I would say.

“Not my monkey, not my circus” – The DRAMA

Stop Trying to Please Everyone (all of the time ????)

Being a people pleaser is a high functioning form of anxiety. It’s completely possible to be polite & hold your boundaries. It won’t come across as rude nor aggressive. In fact, those around you will respect you more for it!

You don’t need to put others’ needs before your own. Remember, you must put your oxygen mask on first so that you can fully support others. Your needs are just as important, if not more, to be fully available to others. This goes for home, personal life & your professional one too. Remember this all-important quote below in the workplace around others projection. People-pleasing is a habit, but one that can be broken, when you realise your happiness is tied to the joy you find in yourself and those you love, and not those outside your circus, in your professional walk of life.

How do you talk to yourself at work? The ‘Shoulds’ &  ‘Trys’

Cue bullying critical voice – our Imposter, our Captain Caveman. Remember him? Our language, our words, our stories, our narrative (s) gives us clues. Cue detective.

How often do you notice yourself ‘should-ing’ all over yourself? Or hear yourself saying or anyone else noticing that are close to, you are saying.

I have to.

I must.

I should.

I could.

I’ll try – (well, it will never happen then)

We can choose to reframe our language & thoughts – they go hand in hand.

Here are some helpful swaps to tame that self-doubt aka Captain Caveman and be that ‘glow getter’.  (pic) And, the power of certain words to help take the pressure off ourselves, be kind and  up that positive affirmative self-talk. Be your own coach & cheerleader and then you will feel the ‘glow’ inside and out.

From: Yes, but

To: Yes, and

From: I can’t

To: I can

From: I’ll try

To: I will

Because:

‘Because I am choosing my self-talk carefully, my confidence will grow’.

Imagine:

‘imagine making the career shift that you’ve always dreamed off’.

In a moment:

“In a moment, you are going to work out, your next best  step’

Now:

‘I’m relaxing now…’ In contrast – try implies it will be hard and nye on impossible to do!

Realise:

‘I realise that I am totally capable of delivering this project’.

Notice the internal chatter you are having with yourself.

Be Kind

Be compassionate. To YOURSELF

Culture & environment

Does your organisation’s culture still serve you?

Does your organisation’s working environment feel healthy, unhealthy, may be even toxic? (if that’s not too extreme a description) How much of this is contributing to your anxiety & stress levels, alongside the undercurrent of perimenopause anxiety (Yes, it’s a thing when we wake up anxious and no, there’s no sabre tooth tiger, under our pillow!). We can choose how we show up, feel & behave at work. We don’t want to be fearing the week ahead during our Sunday night (believe me, I’ve been there too). So be true to yourself as to whether there is a ‘cultural’ fit for you.

Passion & purpose

And yes, this comes up for us doesn’t it during midlife – the whole meaning of life (sounds grandiose, yet quite the truth!)  Is this it, now? maybe children have left home, or at key stages of their education, elderly parents – may be the responsibility of caring from them….

What brings you joy in midlife?  – Has anyone asked you that?

What’s your passion & purpose? (the two are interchangeable, btw)

You have the blank sheet of paper in front of you and you are holding the pen. What brings you joy? What gets you out of bed in the morning? Could it be a hobby or pastime? (that turn into a profession, a career)

We have choice to revisit our careers (if we wish of course), professional lives and take stock. Just because it has always been this way, doesn’t mean it has to be the same in midlife for you. We are reinventions in the making.

Research shows that purpose plays a major role in mental and physical health. leading to increase in well-being and longevity (can add up to 7yr. In blue zones regions, a strong sense of purpose is a buffer against stress, reduces overall inflammation, which in turn reduces risk of Alzheimer’s disease, arthritis, and stroke. Check out the Netflix series here: https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81214929

 Identity – who am I? (do you have this Imposter voice in your ear)

At home? At work? Who do I want to be…

Yup, perimenopause is related to possible identity issues. Our ‘inner fire’ can go out (languishing, anhedonia). We feel a loss of direction, sense of purpose/meaning. It’s key to take time to reflect on life priorities, what brings us joy and how to share this with others.  Purpose is connected to others – how do we share our passion with others. Think purpose in terms of small ‘p’ (contribution, service, adding value to others) versus capital ‘P’ (major impact in the world).  We can lose the whole ‘should’ piece about what we are doing professionally.

Passion is what lights us up inside and comes from rediscovering our authentic self. It requires exploration and experimentation – ‘What lights up your heart?  Purpose = passion + sharing it with others. Here’ s a quote from Dolly P to get back that spark & reclaim your passion, purpose & identity.

As I say to my clients, if you are feeling stressed & anxious at work, remember, ‘You’re not lost. You’ve taken a detour. Gone off-piste. Taken a different turn. This is a temporary blip.  You have the choice to find out who you, what you’d like to do for work are and do it with purpose.

Picture this moment: When your 80-year-old self is looking back on what you’ve done in your life (this is about visualisation in both personal & professional life btw, less about achievements) What do you see? What do you note?

If you experience much difference to what you are up to now, hey we are living longer, us ladies, potentially 30 plus years post menopause, so let’s get cracking on creating a life that brings us joy – both in our professional & personal lives. We don’t have to sit in the *victim *pity party *survival space (however you’d like to name this) – you can thrive!

Goals & values

Yes, all very corporatey yet, “In our pain we find our values; in our values we find our pain’ (Hayes & Lillis – 2012) (there’s a quote for you!)

• Values are attributes: kind, wise, compassionate, curious, brave, etc & are essential to find a balance between giving to others and giving to self. Too much to others becomes a drainer (compassion fatigue); too much to self can become isolating (hedonistic, no connection with others). They can be identified through exploration (visualization).
• What do you stand for?
• How do you want to show up in the world?
• What would you want your legacy to be?

Values are not goals but is important to use values to set goals. Reflexivity of values – need to go both ways: towards others and self. Hold values lightly.

And finally, I don’t want to lose sight of how lonely & isolating perimenopause can feel. Yet, that doesn’t mean we have to absorb the stress & anxiety at work, to seek the connection with others.

Loneliness & Menopause: Power of Connection.

Yes, it’s a thing.  I get it.  I’ve experienced it.

So, whilst doing what we love – work wise we need to get our social snacks too:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-social-snacking-plus-tips-to-fill-your-social-cup (you knew I would get the self-care piece in!)

All these tips are a careful reminder, that our ‘stress’ bucket at work, can’t get too full or even overflow (remember my fizz in the bottle of diet coke analogy).

If your gas pedal is to the floor – cue stress our ‘sympathetic’ response of our automatic nervous system we switch into fight, flight or freeze mode. We need to look to move into ‘rest & digest’ more – our parasympathetic nervous system response to calm our mind & bodies – so think breath work, meditation, hot/cold exposure, movement, nutrition – all the anti- inflammatory techniques (you remember, from my posts?)

Stress can affect us on a physical level because you are producing a hormone called cortisol.  There is the hormone that links perimenopause to stress – the ‘stress’ hormone. When we talk about stress, we have to know what cortisol is doing to your body, and how high cortisol levels suppress progesterone. High cortisol IS stress, which also causes low progesterone which then leaves a high level of oestrogen, making you out of balance. Progesterone is our ‘stress busting’ hormone in midlife.

Therefore, it is so important to have self-care routine/rituals to remain calm, to chill out and relax and to remember we have the power to guide our emotions. When you are feeling stressed, it’s a reminder that if you can change your thoughts, you can change your reality.  It’s key therefore to activate our ‘parasympathetic nervous system’ – aka our ‘rest & digest’ mode (or want of a better phrase ‘put the handbrake on’!)

And remember: ‘Your Health is your wealth’