Don’t join someone else’s circus…
Overwhelmed in midlife?
Buying into some else’s circus = stress, anxiety, resentment, anger…(dare I go on…?)
Easy said them done hey? As humans we do tend to catch & absorb other people’s stuff before we realise. The clue here is that it is the ‘projection’ over other peoples’ stuff onto you, as it feels too uncomfortable or hurts too much, for them to sit with.
What can you do to help yourself, so you don’t join someone else’s circus?
1.Stay in your ‘swim’ lane.
The fastest ways to get drawn into someone else’s drama is to welcome it into your life by judging, gossiping or being a nosey parker?
Gossiping has no productive purpose. Judging others may temporarily make you feel better about yourself & situation. But the feeling is momentary….
If we feel insecure, we gossip, confident people, avoid it. They’d rather spend their time & energy on more positive things.
Throwing in your penny’s worth is another way you can cross your ‘swim’ lane. And if it’s a friend you’re dealing with, listening is always a better alternative to passing out unwelcomed advice.
2.Maintain your boundaries
Yes, I’m talking those things again!
The irate driver who cuts you off in traffic isn’t worth your time or energy or ‘room’ in your circus. You have more important things to consider family, friends, and yourself. Don’t allow those ‘outside’ of your circus to hog your time! Of course, you don’t always have the option to walk away from drama within your own home. But drama outside your house is different. You have CHOICE. Not only is it okay to walk away, but in some instances, you can run – this is your ‘flight’ response!
Life is precious and we begin to feel this more in ‘midlife’. It’s okay to CHOOSE who you allow inside your circus.
3.Stop Trying to Please Everyone (all of the time?)
Being a people pleaser is a high functioning form of anxiety. It’s completely possible to be polite & hold your boundaries. It won’t come across as rude nor aggressive. In fact, those around you will respect you more for it!
You don’t need to put others’ needs before your own. Remember, you must put your oxygen mask on first so that you can fully support others. Your needs are just as important, if not more, to be fully available to others.
People-pleasing is a habit, but one that can be broken, when you realise your happiness is tied to the joy you find in yourself and those you love, not those outside your circus.
4.Choose to be the Ringleader
Our lives are multi-faceted – we are juggling, spinning plates (so called the ‘sandwich’ generation) and can change drastically over time or sometimes in an instance – can’t they in midlife? As the Ringleader of your circus, you have the authority to permit any changes in your life to affect your number of monkeys — whether it’s an increase or decrease, it is up to YOU!
No one is allowed to simply walk on into your circus. You can CONTROL who gets a ticket to your circus and who doesn’t. And you also have the power to retract someone’s ticket at any time YOU choose.
There is a difference between helping others and enabling them. And it doesn’t make YOU a terrible person if you choose to give preference to those within your circus over those who aren’t. You are the Ringleader and you get to make those decisions.
So, let’s turn the narrative around: “It’s YOUR circus, and YOUR monkeys”.
So, in a nutshell:
-Avoid gossip. Don’t speak negatively about others and don’t join any conversations where judging others is the theme. Concern yourself with your own circus full of monkeys and allow other people to take care of theirs.
-Protect yourself against people who do not respect your time. You get what you tolerate, so don’t put up with someone else’s nonsense.
-Put people-pleasing behind you. Every time you put the needs and/or wants of someone outside your circus ahead of one of your monkeys, you are inviting drama and a life of chaos!
-Be the Ringleader of your circus who puts her monkeys first.
Remember the mantra “Not my circus, not my monkey”.
